The Joys Of Packing

Packing has turned into this mindless project. I don't have to think about it at all cause I don't have the option of putting it off. I just find myself putting on some background noise, whether it's music or TV and just stuffing and organizing. I don't find it particularly fun, but I'm not really bored with it either. It's almost like a distraction.

I thought that taking my room all apart was going to be really hard...but I took a few pics of it in it's perfect condition, thought to myself "this is sad" and then just got busy with boxing things up and clearing things out. That's kind of how some things have been happening for me. And not just lately either. I've found that a lot of times, I think something is going to be really difficult, and I find myself fretting and fussing about how hard it's going to be and then when it finally happens, I just do it and it's nothing unusual. This has been happening ever since I was little. I would get so upset at the idea of...staying a night at my friends house...or the first day of school. And it got to the point that once I grew out of actually needing to call my parents to take me home cause I was hysterical about staying the night, or crying all night before school started, that instead, I would worry about having that reaction again. If a friend suggested a sleep over, I would go through with it...the whole time, terrified that I'd get that awful scared feeling again...but then we'd start laughing and talking and it just went by. I'd be scared about school but as soon as I got there I saw all of my friends and had the time of my life. I thought that staying with my grandparents for two weeks in SC would be scary but I LOVED it. I thought that flying by myself to Maine and staying in a completely different place would be TERRIFYING but I walked through it just as naturally as I blinked.

In this case, I keep worrying and fretting that it's going to be so hard to say goodbye to everyone. So hard to get used to a new place. And then I thought "well maybe it will just come easier than I thought...like everything else." But now I'm worried that having convinced myself to stop preparing for the worst...that I won't be prepared when the worst actually hits! It's a funny cycle.

Anyways it's 1 in the morning so...I'm probably making less sense than I think. I suppose I should go to bed.

Love you all!