A Guster Of Fluster

Robert and I have been a little stressed out lately. We feel like we're making progress...but we just want to do so much more...so much faster. Working is really stressing him out...and straining on our relationship a bit. When he isn't working, he's trying to do what he wants to be doing...but he's got a lot on his mind so sometimes it feels like there's little room for me. On top of that...we're both having trouble getting into the routine of getting things done. We'll say "we need to do this and this and this and I want this and this and this" and then we over sleep and half the day is gone and things don't work out how we planned and then suddenly it's too late to get everything done and he has to go to work and we're both flustered and annoyed. We're figuring it out....but it's hard work to say the least.

We had a problem today that we were trying to figure out. The holidays. I've decided what I need most is to be present for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. But that doesn't mean that he can be free. We don't have the money to get us BOTH out of work. Part of me is okay with this...because I have a hard time trying to incorporate him into my traditions...it's a hard change to deal with and...the fact that it's one last thing I'll need to handle this year is a relief. But the thought of him being at the apartment all alone for Christmas, working at a job he hates...kills me. I know he'll be disappointed and sad not to have me around. He shrugs it off, saying that he's used to it...but it's still sad. We were conflicted with the fact that...it's a long and expensive trip to make out there twice in such a little amount of time. There would only be 2 weeks between my visits...and the idea of just staying at home and spending time at the farm and with my dad seemed really nice. But I think it would hurt us too much to spend so much time apart around the holidays. So we decided I would be coming home between the two...despite the money and long trip...if we can manage. But then another problem came up...Robbie's looking for a better job but where he's searching is quite a ways away...so if he got the job, he'd need a way to get there while I'm gone...and I'd need the car to get home. So after a lot of thinking and discussing...we figured out that I could take the bus and leave the car with him. But the thought of him driving alone with his epilepsy is a bit scary...but I'm not sure of another way.

Anyways...it was a tough day today. But I have a surprise for Robbie that will hopefully help him feel a little better. I not only cleaned the apartment (which I often do)...but I moved the bed into the living room and the couch into the bedroom and turned the bed into a sofa by folding the futon and putting it on the back of the bed. It's really nice, actually. It's about time we permanently moved into the living room...we were sleeping there all the time anyways because of the nice lighting in the morning...but the futon is so uncomfortable...it's basically just sleeping on metal bars. It was a lot of work to do alone...I think he'll really like it.

So...I guess that's about it. We're struggling a bit money-wise...but my babysitting job should help. And other than that...most everything is fine. I keep day dreaming about the day I'll get a Chinchilla...I've already got a name picked out for him. Chimi. Chimichanga, to be exact. Chimichanga the Chinchilla. And I will pet him and call him my baby. lol

Anyways I'm done for now. More later.

Love and lovely things,

-Kate