This is perhaps the hardest night. I'm writing in case it will help me feel better. Too tired and busy to write much, but that's good because I don't want to take the attention of my last post, which I personally thought was my best so far. So if you're reading this, read the one before it instead. Or soon after. Or eventually.
My room is empty. It really felt empty as soon as it got quiet in the house...as soon as I said "I love you too" as I hung up the phone after talking to Robert for what will probably be the last time as I'm living here. It emptied as soon as the lights went off...as soon as the boxes were out...as soon as the art on the walls got thrown on the floor helplessly.
I'm not scared. I'm not happy. I'm kinda sad. I'm kind of nervous. I'm ready...but I wish I wasn't.
More than anything...I want to be home. And I can't think of where that is right now. At one point in Garden State (my favorite move all time) the main character speaks ...of how one day...you lose your sense of home. And you don't get it back until you create a new one. I kept thinking "that's sweet...but I still feel at home." Everything got moved around...things slowly started leaving...I moved my bed...but through this whole moving period...I've still felt at home...until now. This very minute. Home isn't anywhere right now.
But...there is a pillow here...and a bed...and a blanket...and a wake up call. So I suppose right now, I'll use it to sleep in.
Goodbye, room.
Love,
Kate
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
"Home is where the heart is."
And all that other cliché jazz.
You shall write and your writing shall make you free.
Your writing is beautiful. It is a pleasure to be allowed to read about your sweet, honest, vulnerable journey.
When I get uncentered, overwhelmed, unclear, I pick up my journal and write. It has been the most reliable, most available, most constant companion. I see you have the same gift. It will be invaluable to you if you continue to develop that gift.
Write your sadness and emptiness. Write your fears and doubts. Write the hard stuff. Having written it, having listened deeply to yourself in that way, you will be freed to move beyond those things. A wise person said "What we resist, persists." When we express fully, without resistance, those difficult things, they do not persist. It is only in the resistance that we get stuck.
You are on the move!
Go KATE!
Post a Comment