Robbie and I watched The Blair Witch Project tonight...it was good...but totally creeped me out. And at the end I was just shivering. I explained to Robbie why I'm not good with scary movies. The way I go about life...I don't write anything off...so in my mind...anything is possible...even creepy witches in the woods. So I can't think to myself "it isn't real" because even though I know it's just a movie...I also think there's something out there that I don't understand...and any ideas that are had about what that is...is just as valid as any other...good or bad. This was just a bad case.
But a while later once I had chilled out a bit...I realized something. For me, what is not known, isn't as scary, as what is known and ignored. What I mean is...I was imagining myself in that situation...in the situation that something really scary happened to me that was unknown...that involved creatures or energy that I couldn't explain. And I thought "well that isn't likely...so what SHOULD I be afraid of?" And I thought of the things that ARE likely to scare me in my life...that are real and true and fact...now. And that's death...and war...and poverty...and disease...and politicians...and horrible horrible things that I KNOW about...and that I underSTAND....and that ultimately....I ignore.
Although the idea of aliens...and witches...and ghosts...are all scary and creepy....the likelihood of them effecting your life...is slim. But we don't let ourselves get scared of the things that are real...and in fact...we ignore the scariest things of all...like how we feel...and what our world looks like...and torture ourselves with the little things....like the stupid things they talk about on the news, for instance.
I've been totally ignoring the news lately. Robbie sees a newspaper as we're walking around and has to stop and read or look at the titles and/or comment somehow. But I don't want to look at it. It could hurt me to do this...because in a way...I am just ignoring the things I don't want to hear. But on the other side...I don't trust the news. I don't care about what it has to say because I don't think it's telling me the truth.
But I'm torn. I'm finding an imbalance in this situation. On one hand...I tend to think...I don't want to have these things shoved in my face. I don't want them constantly shouting in my ear "fear me!" Before this silly little civilization here...tribes had no way of knowing what was happening in tribes completely separate of them...so is it unnatural to be constantly involving ourselves with what's happening in other countries? Does it effect me in any way if I don't know when someone sets off a bomb in England or when there's a terrorist in Japan? And if I tune in...does it help me grow in any way?
How do I find a balance between...tuning in enough to not be ignoring it...tuning in enough to be feeling it...and understanding it...and growing from it.......and not tuning in so much, that I live my life in fear from it?
The news seems to be feeding me bullshit. So where do I find the truth? Or do I need to? They seem to be covering up the bigger stuff with whether eggs are good or bad...or scary black men...or someone had a bug bite that killed them. They let us in on stupid things...to scare us...but why? Should we be scared? Or should we just be aware? Or should we just be content? Or is there no "should"s? I find that I'm not scared of what they tell me...I'm scared of what they don't tell me...so in this case...what is known isn't as scary as what isn't.
I don't know what to tell ya.
Perhaps love is one of those unknowns,
-Kate
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
great questions, girl. my two cents: fear is not a place to live, it's a place to walk through. people want to skip steps, and get to peacefulness and power without doing the work of moving through the spaces between denial and acceptance. I do not think this will ever work. you go through the fear, and emerge on the other side as a completely new person.
the key: do not try this alone. we need strong relationships, strong communities, and safe spaces, if we want to take these steps. alone, unsupported, afraid, there's little else to do but stay in denial.
walk through the fire. on the other side there's a cool, calm peace unlike anything we may suspect...
yer paw
Post a Comment