Your Neighborhood Family Restaurant

I ate at Shoney's tonight and hung out with Robbie while he worked. It was fun. I met one of his coworkers who's looking for a steady babysitter for her two year old so, I'll be calling her up and letting her know I'm available if she wants me. What makes me the most nervous about babysitting isn't the kids...I'm pretty sure I can handle them. But it's the parents that you have to watch out for. For me, I couldn't work for a parent or parents that intimidated me...cause if I can't talk to them, it would be harder for me to communicate with them about their child...and that just wouldn't work. But she was really sweet...so I'm thinking I'm up for it. Plus...I get to play with a 2 year old! That's even better than a chinchilla! lol. If you have any 2 year old tips, I'd love to hear them. Things to do with them, ways to keep them in line, what NOT to do...whatever...all would be great. I just plan to play with him. I'm studying up a little online about ways to engage them or play with them or take care of them. I feel pretty capable.

It's interesting to hang out at the restaurant. I find it comforting to be around people. For the most part I feel pretty deprived of friends lately. Robbie's expressed that he doesn't really get much from going to church...so I'm not sure how much we'll keep going there. But it is nice to be with those people...I don't feel judged. (I mean who can judge you when they're hopping around crying out "JEBUS, OHHH JEBUS"?) lol. At Shoney's though...I did feel judged a bit. Robbie came back and said "everyones talking about you." and said that they were calling him cradle-robber and whatnot. I sat quietly and ate my meal slowly...I looked nice and well put together...I smiled a lot, I wasn't awkward or weird...and yet...some people just have to hold onto the number. It's amazing how much people let an age define someone. People tend to think I'm a lot older than I am...and when they learn I'm not...they act differently to me.

What was weirdest was that I almost enjoyed the attention. Either I'm hugely deprived and desperate...or it just amused me....it was oddly fun for me. There's something about knowing that people are looking at you and judging you...that's fun for me. I think it's because in my mind I'm thinking "how could they be thinking anything but good things?" lol. But it also keeps me aware of myself. I act the way I'd like to see other people act. I cross my legs and smile...I look calm and pleasant...I'm pretty without trying too hard...I'm aesthetically pleasing. Because I'm in public, I'm trying to be better...and I feel better about myself. So even though I knew they were thinking "she is TOO young for him" I also knew they couldn't really have much else bad to say about me. They can try to make up stuff as much as they want, but I know it won't be true. Because I'm young...but I'm undeniably cool too. It's like proving them wrong.

Observing other people is fun as well. I like people watching. It's one of my favorite activities. I could do it all day long...just sit and think. That's my most beloved activity. And you get the best of all kinds in restaurants. You get the families...some are pleasant and seem fairly sane. Others are out of control and frustrated. You get the couples...some are sweet and adorable...others are sad and boring. And you get the singles...most of whom seem pretty okay with being by themselves. Everyone else blends into the group of regular joes...friends or coworkers or whoever. They don't tend to be as interesting because their dynamics with each other don't vary as much. Friends tend to be friends. Business is business.

I'm not sure what's more interesting to watch...the people who seem fine...or the people who are obviously not okay. The people who seem fine...well...they're good to look up to. They make you feel better about the human race...they make you happy. The messy people make you sad...make you wonder...make you wish. It's a toss up.

It's fun to watch Robbie work. He treats everyone the same...spewing bad jokes whether the people seem interested in hearing them or not. He's upbeat and light on his feet when he works. Calm and sweaty. The costumers would probably never guess that he comes home venting like a crack in a steam pipe. It takes a lot to unwind him after work. There doesn't tend to be time for romance or cuddles. I've tried a few times to create a calm mood for him when he gets home...light the apartment with candles and put on music and ask him to dance with me...or talk about deeper stuff or watch a heavy movie. But for the most part...he just needs about an hour to get out of his crazy work mode. And that's fine...it's something I can deal with.

Last night we calmed him down by watching the first Terminator movie. (We bought the first two as a set for only like...$3 at a flea market). I'd never seen the Terminator movies. It was good but it made me sad at the end. The woman has to knowingly bring her child into a difficult life...and it made me sad. I always relate the things I watch to my own life. I've never been able to decide whether or not I'd ever want a child...because I have no idea what's in store for it. I think I'd be a great mom, though. Maybe if I feel the need...I'll adopt...then I'm only taking care of a child who was already forced it into the world...but it wouldn't have been my doing. That way I save two birds with one...slice of bread? (Couldn't make it work but whatever.) *shrug* Ten years too early to be thinking about kids, of course. But that's what the movie made me think about.

Nothing new besides the thoughts in my head. Robbie and I had a relationship breakthrough a few nights ago. It was a night of hard issues, difficult conversation, and lots of sobbing and sighing. But after everything happened...I found myself more in love with him than I've ever been. And that's exactly what I want out of a relationship...to work it out and be stronger in the end.

I'm listening to a song by Citizen Cope called Sideways. It's a good thinking song. I recommend it to all of you. Seriously.

More thoughts later

Love is good,

-Kate