Is Anyone Out There?

I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this blog. I'm assuming they're not...it's been so long since I've written and my blogs have become so sparse that I figure most of you have lost interest. It kind of makes me sad, to be honest. Everything is going to change really soon and...it's the end of this stage of my life.

The truth is, every time I've thought about writing, I've felt like it was either too personal, too much like something I've already written, or two confusing and vague to make sense of it. I have been doing a lot of heavy thinking lately about things in general. I just haven't been able to really make sense of it.

Robbie and I are doing fine...just to catch people up. I'm always embarrassed when someone asks me what's been going on because I never have anything new to talk about. "Well, The Daily Show got changed to A Daily Show because of the loss of it's writers but now they're only playing re-runs for some reason...I guess now that the strike is over they have some figuring out to do. Oh, and today everyone really DID love Raymond. And beyond television, we've gone to the bank a few times. Ingles has a sale on Breyers ice cream so we've been indulging..." I mean really...that's all I got when someone asks me what's new.

Robbie and I are really excited to be moving home soon. And excited that we're going to visit this Monday. I think it's going to be a good change for us. We'll both hopefully find some better work...live in a nicer apartment...be around friends and have the ability to drive out to the farm and play with the animals and take walks whenever we want. It should be a better environment for us.

In the meantime we're coasting. I've been going to a website called Frostcloud a bit more...it tries to make up for my lack of human contact here. But mainly it's fun to go to because it makes me think. The people that go there are fairly intelligent...for the most part...and when I have a thought about something I can go there and talk to them about it. It's been a really nice addition to figuring things out in my head about the world in general. That isn't to say that I'm not still confused as hell, but...it's better than nothing.

Other than that...there isn't much to talk about. I'll be visiting home soon and that will be nice. I probably won't write again for a while which makes me sad. As weird as it is...I will miss this place. I'm eager to leave but...it served me well. My time here flew by like crazy. To some degree I feel like I've done nothing. But some part of me feels like whatever thinking and growing I did was worth it all. I'm still trying to figure out what "doing something" means. I'll feel unproductive and then wonder what being productive is about. If I didn't have any chores to do...or homework to get done...or meetings to attend...what "should" I be doing instead? I guess I'll figure that one out in time.

I have no idea when I'll write again. Things change so suddenly around here and there's no way to see them coming. Tomorrow I might have so much to write about you won't be able to read it all at once. Or maybe it will take me another 14 days to write again. Who knows. Until then, I love and miss you all.

"Love is battlefield"

Kate