Back In Action

Hi all! Long time no catchy-upy.

I'm back home and settled in again after our trip to Michigan for Christmas. I had a great time and wish I could've stayed longer. But I was also very ready to come home. I think Robert and I are done spending that much time apart. We did the long distance thing and we had our separate holidays and now it's time to start spending our time together for these things. I want him with me when I go to the beach for Thanksgiving next year and if he can't come, I doubt I will. Same with Christmas.

I've always felt awkward about introducing him to family traditions. To be blunt, he doesn't quite fit in with my family or friends. He's awkward and makes bad jokes and laughs loudly and has quirky body language and is sensitive and rather extreme about whatever mood he's in. But all of these things are things that I accept and have come to enjoy. His bad jokes give me a chance to make fun of him and be funny. His body language is just another thing for me to study and amuse me. His awkwardness overall is just something I'm used to and am comfortable with. But I assume that for most people...there's an automatic judgement that goes along with experiencing this. If he's not funny once...he'll never be. If he's sensitive...he's weak. If he's awkward...he's screwed up and not worth fixing. I get scared that this is what people think when they meet him. And if they judge him...they'll judge me for being with him.

But I guess the only thing to do is push into it and try to get people used to him. As far as I know...he'll be around for a while...so we might as well get used to it as soon as possible.

For me now...I'm not planning on facing that any time soon. I was nervous about Christmas being over but it turns out I'm more excited than anything. I have a good few months now where I don't have to worry about anyone but Robbie and myself. I feel like I can start on my life now...no excuses. And some big things are coming up but...I feel like they're right on track...and that I'm ready to confront them. What job will I get? Do I want to move? Do I want to stay in Franklin? Do I want to go to college in the Fall? All of these things were eating away at me until I realized...I'll figure them out when I do...like always. And that's the thing about me. I won't do something until I'm ready to...and I won't be decided about something until I just am...but it always happens. I'll put off something forever until I want to do it...and then one morning...I want to do it...so I do it well. And I'll be undecided about something forever...until one day...the decision is clear and I know just what I want. Most people see this as lazy or having little self discipline. But I think it's exactly who I am and it's fine. I don't push myself too much...I trust myself...and I listen to myself...and if that's lazy than lazy isn't a bad thing.

This blog didn't turn out to be about much of anything but...c'est la vie. It'll start me off for sure. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

Love is what it is

Kate

(P.S. Why does "could've" always show up as misspelled? Is it not techincally a word? What am I supposed to use instead?)