"I Dare You To Move"

Somehow we knew that something would work out...

Robbie and I knew we didn't have the money for rent or electric this month...we were on the verge of asking someone for a loan...had drafted emails...putting it off as if somehow the money would all magically appear and we wouldn't have to bow our heads in shame and admit we just wouldn't pull it off this month. I suppose what happened wouldn't be considered a respectable means of making ends meet by most people...but even before we found out about our great fortune we both had this feeling about it all that as much as we tried to nudge away with common sense...something was remotely clear that we were about to find our great goodness. This is what it's all about really...

We'd been playing with the lottery a little bit lately. We figured the $3 here and there that we spent on a few chances every month weren't what made all the difference...but that winning a little bit would. Last night I decided it would be a good thing to do to try once more before asking for help...our last desperate hope. We had found two $2 rolls of nickels and decided to spend that $4 on the tickets. Robert just thought for a second about a number and decided to spend $2 on the same number...which would double our prize money if it went through. I took a different approach and wrote the numbers 0-9 on pieces of paper and drew them at random. As we walked out the door I grabbed two more dollars just for the heck of it and scribbled down two more numbers off the top of my head. We drove to nearest gas station but they had closed. Most times I think that would have been enough to send me home as the only other gas station open in town was another few miles away...but we were both in such good moods...and so excited about it all that we just kept driving. On the way there I was running through the numbers in my head...did I want to change them or put more money on certain numbers and take other ones I had chosen out? I started to feel worried about it when it hit me that...no matter what I did...I couldn't control the outcome...and that any one of my numbers had just as good a chance as winning as any of the others. So I went with it. We got our tickets and went home. When we got out of the car we were both smiling..."I have a really good feeling about this" I told Robbie. He said he did too and he didn't know why. All night I imagined finding out that our numbers had won. I sent energy to it...I analyzed myself constantly...back and forth about why it was a good or bad idea. I figured...I was listening to my gut...and it told me to stick with it despite my thoughts that there was such a small chance and that I never win anything. I would think how silly I was being and then I'd counter it with something good about it all. If nothing else...doing something that makes you think about yourself and who you are is as good as anything. I was proud of myself for taking more risks lately...just that day I had spent $57 on an application for the Postal service that we probably could've used for much more important things...rent is assured...a job is not. The creepy lady who sounded like a machine that I'd talked to when I ordered it wished me luck at the end of the conversation...I took it to heart.

I'm not sure that I believe in luck...but I do believe in energy...and power...and consciousness. I wouldn't say that I had anything to do with one of my numbers coming out...but I would say that I tuned in enough to sense that there was something for me to find. Robert might be considered a lucky guy by the average Joe...he wins things all the time...he has so many stories about winning things...but when he tells them...he stresses the importance of how he listened to himself. The stories are never simply "I played a ticket and won" they're "Something in me told me to play this ticket...and I won". He's really a fascinating guy when you get to know him...he's so in touch with himself...and listens so well to himself, never doubting how he feels that sometimes really cool things happen...like he knows when I'm about to call...or he knows when he'll get "lucky". He can be oddly "psychic"...but I don't think it's a gift...I think it's a power of his that he embraces. I always get the feeling that people are so much more powerful than we even know...and Robert always restores my faith in that idea.

The other day I was watching Oprah and she had on the author of a book called "The Gift Of Fear". I was fascinated with it because it reaffirmed so much of what I believe about listening to yourself. It was all about how most of the time humans will get a feeling about something dangerous or be fearful of something...but then write it off. At one point he said something along the lines of "we are the only animals in the world who will sense danger and ignore it". And isn't that fascinating? Why do we ignore our sense of danger? Or our sense of goodness on the other hand? Why do we brush off how we feel because it's "not likely" or some other silly excuse?

We won $500 from one of my tickets...it was one that I had just drawn from the cards I made...it was the first one I got-573. When we found out, it was exactly as I had imagined...Robert looking online and saying in his nonchalant way "Well, we won one." We were so happy...we wouldn't have to ask for money...not this month. The fact that we wouldn't get to spend any of it outside of bills seemed like something to be upset about...except I wasn't. It was the greatest feeling in the world to know that we wouldn't have to get even MORE in debt...and that I would have a few more weeks to find a job without settling for the most depressing shift at the most depressing place-closing for Wendy's. I didn't want it to be any more than $500 because we didn't need any more than that...anything else we probably would have carelessly spent over a long period of time anyways. But the best thing about it all was how good I felt about myself...how proud I was of myself for having listened. Lately it had felt like I was starting to lose faith in the world...I kept thinking about how cynical I was getting...how every time I got turned down I felt like I had less and less control about my life. I was starting to get scared that I'd lose my sense of self...that I'd give in...give up...and start planning to live in the system. But today was just so refreshing. We went to the gym after putting the money in the bank and I turned on my iPod and played my three latest favs to work out to...good inspirational songs. Take A Picture by Filter, Beautiful Day by U2, and finally Dare You To Move by Switchfoot. They meshed well with the day.

Dare You To Move
by Switchfoot


Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

[Chorus]I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

[Chorus]I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before


Love is moving-chase it

Kate