Last night it snowed...a good few inches. It was very pretty. We went outside and took a walk in it together...it was so beautiful. We planned on making a snowman the next day but this morning when we got up...it was rainy and wet and had mostly melted and turned into slush. It was a strange day. We woke up late...we'd been waking up early to get things done and I felt like I had lost some sleep so I let myself sleep in...but I slept too much. We got up late and hung around...watched TV...got online...made lunch. We tried to go the gym but it was closed. We decided to drive to Clayton Georgia just for fun to get out of the apartment but the farther West we went the worse the weather was (lots of W's there). We came back and made dinner...ate too much...watched TV...played Mastermind...and now it's 10:40 and Robert has fallen asleep.
I felt odd the entire day...very homesick...and lonely. I haven't been able to find a job yet...everywhere we go they say they're taking applications but everything is slow and nobody is quitting. I really want to get out of this apartment and start doing stuff. I need more interaction with people than I'm getting. And mainly...the more I think about moving back to Durham...the more I want to. I miss the farm...I miss people...I miss activities...and animals. I feel silly because I just got here and now I want to come back...after all that moving and drama. It wasn't all for nothing...but I learned what I wanted to learn about myself and my relationship and what I want...a lot faster than I thought I would...and now I just feel done. I'm done with being so far away from my family. I'm done being so far away from the Potluckers. I'm done being so far away from Riley...and my friends...and a town that doesn't slow down during the winter. I want to be home. I want to have an apartment in Durham with white walls and windows. I want to have a job and friends and take art classes and be able to visit people again. And now that I know that I want all of this...it's even more frustrating because now I just have to wait...and get a job here until we have the money to move...and get a new apartment.
I guess all of this isn't so bad. In a few days I'll probably look back at this post and think "quit your whining"...but today was just a sad, rainy day and it really bummed me out. I don't know if it was the lighting or the lack of exercise or the sleeping in or just everything combined...but I feel really lonely and homesick. And friendsick. And dogsick.
I guess I just have to feel it and let it go. Distract myself with some comedy on TV...go to sleep early...and hope that tomorrow I have the willpower to wake up earlier...and hope there's more sunshine than there was today.
I miss you all so much...and I hope you all know how much I love you.
"Love is all around me-and so the feeling grows"
-Kate
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