Taking Charge...Finally...

Today was an errands day. Sometimes I can't understand how there end up being so many "things to do" living such a simple life. It seems like every other day we run errands...there's always something to do...some bill to pay, something to return, something to buy...it's confusing to me. But...I don't mind.

I really enjoy my life right now. I feel in control...and it's so nice. I get to say what I want and how to get it...and if I need help...I have all the help I could ever need by someone who would never judge me for asking for it. It's refreshing to be in control and take charge...and it's even more refreshing to do it with help. Robert is so helpful and wonderful...and I feel totally stress-less. For now...

Today I went job hunting some more. It was starting to feel like nobody was hiring, especially during the day, especially full-time, especially at a job I WANT to work at. Everywhere I went they gave me a silly look like "Pfft! Are you kidding? A job?? At THIS time of the year?" But today I found a little bit of hope for working at the Hampton Inn...which to me sounds like fun. I can always tell the moment I walk into a place whether or not I want to work there. Something about the smells...the people...the way it looks...all together there are just some places that feel good and some that don't. And the Hampton Inn felt good. The lady that was there seemed to be in charge and was very nice. They are hiring for housekeeping...during the day. I forgot to ask if it was full time but I assume it is. I filled out the application tonight and am going to go all out in trying to get the job...I'll probably dress up nicely tomorrow just to return the application...and if that lady is there again I might just fall to her feet and plead "PLEASE! PLEASE I REALLY WOULD LOVE THIS JOB! I'M DESPERATE! I'LL DO ANYTHING!". lol.

I'm very hopeful.

We also joined a gym...which is so much fun. Yesterday Robbie and I went together and he showed me how to use all the machines and what not. We used them a little bit but didn't really go all out on them. But today I did. I dropped him off at work and then hopped onto a treadmill for an hour. It felt really good. And for the first time in my entire life...I feel like I actually CAN get healthy. Before now...I didn't want to...I wasn't inspired...or it just seemed like too much to try to do. But now it seems like the easiest thing in the world. I'm sure it won't feel like that every day...but I've also got Robert with me to push me on the days that I don't want to push myself. I'm very excited about finally getting in shape. I don't care about losing weight...that's icing on the cake for me. I won't even be checking the scale. I refuse to. I just want to be active every day and eat better. And if I lose weight...which I'll kind of have to if I'm eating right and exercising...than cool. The best thing about it all? It's on my terms. Nobody is telling me I should...or that I have to. Nobody is hinting to me that it would be good for me. Nobody is telling me how to do it. It's all on me....and I love it. My whole life I've been pushed to do it...and as awful as it is to admit...I wouldn't just because I was being told to. I don't particularly LIKE that I do the opposite of what I'm told...but sometimes I just can't help but feel resentful and rebellious as soon as someone tells me or hints to me to do something I already know I should do. I'm not sure how to overcome that. I think I really have some serious issues about rebelling. But luckily...I get a chance now to do everything myself...and from my perspective...I'm doing a pretty good job of handling myself...cause I'm still alive and have a roof over my head. Go me! lol

I'm going to go lay down for a bit. More later

Love is healthy

-Kate